Selfish?

Okay this post is going to be me thinking out loud. The other night DH and I were laying in bed talking. He says something I myself have also been thinking. He says "I am not sure I want to have anymore children" I said "me either" Then he said "I know that is selfish, because most of my reasons for thinking that are selfish reasons" It was such an interesting perspective...is bringing up an only child selfish? I haven't been able to get this thought out of my head. There is such a negative stigma to only children...that they will be spoiled, and lonely and often brats.....Is this really the case? I read an article on babycenter.com the other day that said often times only children do better in school, and are more successful....finally some postive feedback about only children.

Here is how I feel. There is a large part of me that feels totally fufilled where we are right now. I wanted so badly to be a mom, and I am one. We had the best adoption experience. Why isn't that good enough? I feel so much pressure to give Izzy a sibling because of all the negatives surrounding only children. Not to mention endless comments and questions from family and friends "When are you going to have another?", "When Izzy junior comes along.... " Lets face it, adoption is very expensive. We managed to do it the first time okay but I really dont' want to go severly in debt to do it again. But is it selfish to feel that way.? Will Izzy be severly lacking something growing up without a sibling? How will I answer her when she tells me she wants a sister or a brother? Will my feelings change when Izzy is older and no longer "a baby"? These are all of the things I think about. I really like my life right now, why screw with that? I feel like if we have another child it will change everything and sure I am sure a lot of it will be for the better but some of it won't be. How will I manage being a SAHM of 2?

I feel like most of my guilt of not doing it again is soley based on society's stigma of only children....or is it fear that we would have a bad experience or never get out of debt?

I don't know, and I know we don't have to decide for good what we want to do for a while....I just have been having all these thoughts and wanted to get them out.

I made it

Well DH came home on Sat so I made it through the week. To be honest it really was not too bad. Even with getting sick. I managed to come down with an upper respitory infection/sinus infection. I have been on antibiotics for a few days but it is taking its time going away. I still cough a lot and just feel really tired. I wish I was better at napping when Izzy naps. I tried today but I just laid there thinking of things to do so i eventually just got up.

We had a lovely mother's day. We had both DH's and my family over for brunch. Izzy of course enjoyed being the center of attention. She actually cried when everybody left...it was cute.

Here is a picture of me and my girl on mother's day! Happy mother's day to all the mom's out there!

3 nights down 4 to go

Well I am almost to the half way point of DH being gone. So far it really has been pretty good. Last night I was in bed by 8:45 and asleep before 10! It felt great, i have had a scratchy throat yesterday and today so I am trying to fight something off. Izzy came down with a cold this morning, I knew it was coming last night. She woke up once coughing last night about 2:30 but I rocked her and she went right back to sleep. So despite her coughing and runny nose she was in a great mood and was cracking me up! She is so funny! I love watching her little personality emerge.

I have not been sleeping great, for whatever reason, I have been waking up a lot at night. I think it is because I am ultra sensitive to Izzy's sounds since I know I am the only one there. It also has been taking me a while to fall asleep, last night wasn't bad but when I got up with Izzy at 2:30 it took me a while to go back to sleep. I was hoping i would sleep really well with DH gone because he wouldn't be snoring but I guess I am so used to having him next to me, i am not sleeping as well.

The thing I have enjoyed most about DH being gone is the lack of cooking! I love not having to worry about what to "make" for dinner. Last night I made Velveeta shells and cheese and it was GREAT. I love mac n cheese!!! I am sure Izzy will enjoy it for lunch today. Tonight my girlfriend is coming over and I think we will just get taco bell (my only fast food addiction, i love it! ) Tomorrow night Izzy goes to my mom's for the night (as long as her cold doesn't get worse) adn I am REALLY looking forward to a night off but more so the morning off. I plan on sleeping as late as my body will let me. Then I have to clean the house in a bad way!!! We are having all of our family over Sunday for Mother's day and my house is a mess!!!!!

Other than that not much else new. I bought all the mother's day cards today. I wish they made a card suitable for me to send to C, Izzy's bm. I searched on teh internet and apparantly there is "birthmothers day" the sat before mothersday but I don't know that i like that idea either. I am suprised Hallmark doesn't have mother's day cards for bm's. I have really been thinking about C lately and hope she is well. It has been quite sometime since we have heard from them. I really can't find teh words to describe the special place in my heart she and the bf have.

well that is enough for now, happy tuesday

Getting ready for a long lonely week

Well DH leaves today for his annual fishing trip. He goes every year with his best friend. They traditionally go for a week although last year since Izzy was still a colicky peanut they only went for 4 days but this year he is going the full week. He leaves this morning and doesn't come home till next Saturday!!!!! I know single parents do it all the time because they have no choice, but I am really not looking forward to being a single parent for a week. I think it is especially hard when you stay at home to know that DH isn't coming home at 5:30 so no help with bath/bed or an adult to talk to in the evening.

I know I will make it just fine and I do have some help. My babysitter comes on Tuesday like every week and my mom takes Izzy Thursdays normally and this week she is going to stay over at my mom's wednesday night so that will be very nice to have the night off!

I just hope Izzy goes back to her normal self, we have been a bit out of sorts since Thursday night. She got 3 shots on Thursday that have not treated her well. She was up most of Thursday night after throwing up on me at 2am and was just a mess yesterday. She didnt' throw up but was very tired obviously since she had been up most of the night and very crabby. I think her stomach was a bit upset even though she did not throw up anymore and did eat a bit yesterday. She thankfully slept through the night last night and seems a little better today, she ate a good breakfast. Still a little whiney and is still running a fever, DH just took it and it is 101.8 so I just gave her motrin. I don't know if the fever is still from teh shots or if she has a bug. I talked to the nurse yesterday and she said that the fever and crabbiness is from the shots but her vomitting and stomach issues aren't but who knows. I hope she doesn't have the flu! Maybe I should call the dr this morning.......but I don't want to seem like a neurotic parent although I am sure I am. I don't know about the moms reading but I feel like I call the dr a lot or worry alot and I know my mom friends feel the same way. I really like our dr office but the nurse i always have to talk to on teh phone just rubs me the wrong way sometimes. I feel like she is annoyed with my questions or concerns. Hey I am a first time parent, I worry about everything, give me a break!

So wish me luck this week, I am sure I will be blogging a bit this week. Have a great weekend!

15 month Stats

We just got back from our 15 month check up and here are her stats

22 lbs 14.5 oz (she has been at our around this weight forever it seems like)-50percentile
31 3/4" long -80%

The dr was very pleased with all of her development with the minor exception of her speech. I guess at 15mo they should have between 5-15 words and Izzy is on the lower end, I think she says 5. So the dr wasn't overly concerned but said if she doesn't have 15 by 18months then we would need to have some help. So it made me feel a little better but still a little worried too, but I think it will be fine. I know she is understanding most of what we say and I know she talks all the time, I just don't always know what she is saying.......

Other than that it was your typical check up including 3 shots which she really didn't enjoy. She was crabby before the shots because she has 2 teeth coming in so after the shots REALLY crabby! I put her up for a nap right now so hopefully she will sleep it off and the Motrin will kick in...............i agree with katd, thank goodness for Motrin!!!!