Well I am having a bit of a downer St Patty's day! I am sure it will improve in about an hour when i go have a green beer! I feel like crap this morning, horrible cramps (even after the 3 motrin i took when i woke up) a back ache and am exhausted.
This horrible pyhsical feeling is also making me a little depressed. As much as I would like to think these feelings would go away they never really seem to. Anytime I know that dh and had sex during ovulation time, i can't help but get dissappointed when AF shows up. Now we are not "trying" , i don't really pay attention to the calendar much but it doesn't still make me wish for a miracle. In my head, I am grateful I never was pg b/c i wouldn't have izzy...but in my heart I guess I still have feelings of wanting to experience that...and wanting to give iz a sibling. I don't want izzy to grow up lonely and I hope that she won't be too much so. With the cost of adoption being what it is and with the economy being the state that it is I just really don't think it is going to be possible for us to adopt again..at least not now and the more time that passes , and the "easier" izzy gets I don't know if i will want to start over. There is an advantage to only having one, there is so much more we can do for her and as a couple....as selfish as that sounds. I never stop thinking "you never know" which is good and bad....b/c i still set myself up for disappointment. And it makes me so mad everytime i get a bad period, i get so mad at my stupid body for causing me so much pain and it is for nothing b/c my i suffer and have periods and can never get pg...which is what my body is supposed to do!!!
Sorry for the downer post but is how i feel right now. I am sure tomorrow I will be fine, when there are no cramps and I am back to my normal self..but for right now...i am mad/depressed and in pain!!!
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4 comments:
I just wanted to say I had a similar post this past weekend! I know how you feel and hope that your day gets better! THINKING about you and sending ((hugs)) your way:)
Sorry it's such a crappy day! Mother Nature truly can be unfair and sucky.
Ahhhhh - you and I are EXACTLY the same (and at the same stage of our cycle too) so I know EXACTLY what you mean.
And to make matters worse, AF showed up 2 days late this time. Talk about a mind freak!
Big Hugs to you.
I can so relate to this post AF showed up Monday for me and I was hoping so bad this was the cycle that would give our Izzie a sibling. I know your hurt, anger and disappointment and I am so so sorry. I am always here for you. I know we don't know each other in real life but we have so many connections. I know you just can't help to hold out a glimmer of hope each month. Hang in there and I hope you enjoyed that green beer...well deserved!
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