Reality setting in...

I haven't blogged about this before, but i need to as a release for me personally...

About 3 months ago my mom told me that her kidney doctor wanted her to meet with a transplant team due to her continuing decrease in kidney function due to chronic kidney disease. She has known about her chronic kidney disease for a long time and has been monitoring it over the years. I was at the meeting with the transplant team and they said my mom's kidney function was at about 19% and that when it gets to 10-15% she will have to go on dialysis or have a transplant. They also told her that due to her past medical history and her current physical state, she is on the borderline of even being a transplant patient candidate since her BMI is 40 and that they would like to see her lose some weight and gain some muscle to better prepare her body for if she can get a transplant. They wanted her to come back in 3 months to see if she has made progress at losing weight and getting stronger. The transplant team estimated that it would be about a year and a half til her kidney function got to the point where dialysis or a transplant would be needed.

Well my mom went to her regular kidney doctor today after doing bloodwork and 24 hr urine to have her kidney function tested....today he told her that her function has gone down to 15%. He did say that levels can flucuate and he wants to test her again in March but it appears dialysis is much nearer to her future than we orignally thought. Another thing we learned at the transplant meeting that while dialysis does help prolong life and keeps the body going, it does shorten a person's life span and that a transplant is a much better option for most patients.

So i think for me (and my mom) the reality of all of this is starting to hit home. I struggle on a lot of levels, i am not super close from my mom..even though we talk everyday...we don't have a lot in common and i have a lot of resentment towards her for more than one reason. Part of my resentment I feel she doesn't take care of herself like she should and it greatly angers me that since the appt with the transplant team she has not taken more drastic measures to workout more and better control her eating. She has done a little but not enough in my opinion considering this really is a life or death situation.

Then there is my guilt with live donors.....there is a party of me that would consider giving her a kidney (assuming i was a match, which i have no clue that i am) but another part of me that wouldn't not only for how it would effect my life (living with one kidney) but because i fear she wouldn't take care of it and wouldn't make the livestyle changes needed to really take care of it...........................how awful is that!

Our whole family has a lot to learn about the whole transplant and dialysis process...and i think the reality of it all is finally starting to sink in..........