Warning, this is me feeling sorry for myself and venting. I promise to snap out of it after i am finished blogging.
Why does it never seem to get easier to hear someone you know is pg? And why is it that the 2nd pg seems to hurt even more then the first? I just found out someone i know is pg with their second in June. The person is not even a good friend or anything but i found myself being annoyed, angry and most of all jealous when i read the news. One of my good friends is due with her second in May and we started trying before they were pg with their first! All i keep telling myself with that one is maybe i will have my baby by May also.... I feel like a terrible person for not being 100% happy for my friends. At the same time IT IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't even imagine what it would be like to be able to get pg and have a child pretty much whenever you wanted. Dh and I would have at least 2 by now if that were the case. WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE OUR TURN???????
I have been trying not to think about why the phone hasn't rung but it is so hard! I literally jump everytime my stupid cell rings. I really thought that by changing to 100% hispanic we should get a call by now...I know, I know i need to chill it hasn't even been a month since we made that change and I should not give up hope.....it is just so hard not to. I met a girl on line who adopted with our agency 100% hispanic and got picked in a month and the baby was born within that month. Her son is now 1 yrs old and is getting ready to update her info and try for # 2, she said every time she talks to the agency they say how busy they are and keep asking her when she is goign to update her info..................that is great and all but our info has been there for 5 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When is the right bm going to pick us???? What is so wrong with us, we are normal looking good people! Urgh, i hate this helpless feeling. Okay, okay deep breath....no use getting upset about somethign I have no control over right?
On a brighter note, i was grocery shopping at Meijer (like Walmart) the other day and found myself needing to buy 2 sleepers. They are so cute, yellow and white. I like to see them hanging in the closet.
Okay my bitterness and feeling sorry for myself is fading....I just needed to vent a little.
Back to work I go, only a few more hours then I get to leave early because I have to pick up my mom and take her to her follow up Dr Appt from her surgery.
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6 comments:
I am sorry. It can be so hard. You have every right to be frustrated and upset....but it WILL happen.
This is by far one of the hardest things any of us will ever go through. You have every right to vent and get frustrated. And don't be too hard on yourself for not feeling 100% happy for your friend. That's totally normal! Hang in there:)
Oh I do know what you are saying. We initially starting last November (2005), moved and took a break, and restarted this past September. This has been the longest 5 months for me. Not only the longest, but the most emotional and moody 5 months. In October I learned that my best friend was pregnant w/her second child. She got pregnant ACCIDENTALLY!!! I was mad when she told me and since then I have backed away. I've only been communicating through email and I KNOW that's not right. I don't want our friendship to end. She is due in June and I have had the same thought. Maybe I'll be selected by a birth mother before then and have a we'll be able to both have children at the same time. That was pretty much the first thing I thought.
Well, maybe you should take a look at your profile... couldn't hurt... maybe give it a make over... I can't imagine how upsetting this all is. {hugs} to you both
i totally get it & feel you, completely. Our profile has been up for 8 months and nada. Not one bite so far. I even have friends who have gotten married since we started trying, now have one kid and are working on the second already. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe we'll have our child by the time they have our second. It's ridiculous and completely unfair and alienating. You have every right to feel the way you do!!! Just know that it will happen one day. I have to believe that or else I would just give up!!
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