Warning, I am venting here.....
Why is it that people think that my adopted daughter isn't good enough and always say "I bet you will get pregnant in the future" Today my grandmother was telling me one of my cousins was pg with her second and I was saying that is great (i have come a long way, my infertile self was only slightly affected by the pg news instead of majorly hurt like before DD came along) Then my grandma says "I wouldn't be suprised if you get pregnant one day" What is with people!!! i calmly said yeah stanger things have happened but I am not holding my breathe" she then follows up with "You never know" I didn't bother to mention...actually I just went back on the pill so really it is not going to happen so please give up on it, I have!!! I mean I have a daughter, a child....what difference does it make...why do I need to get pg!!!
Maybe I am so senstive about it because I feel like everytime someone says tha,t it minimizes my infertility....like it isn't real or something. Like all those doctors and treatments not working, really just a fluke! Or my favorite "you are just too stressed about it, just relax it will happen" Yes I do have "unexplained infertility" but that doens't mean that just because my RE couldn't find the exact cause for it not happening doesn't mean that it ever will!
I finally feel like I have come to terms with never having a biological child. I don't secretly ache to be pregnant even though like most of us infertiles I would be lying if I didn't fantasize sometimes about getting suprised one month. I am choosing to go back on the pill to make my periods more tolerable, because without it the are HORRIBLE.
Now that I have Izzy I really don't think I want a biological child. I want to adopt again...and will definately adopt again, we might even apply as early as early next year. My family was meant to be built by adoption, that is how it is and how it will stay!!!!
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Amen!!!!!!! Dh and I just started the adoption process/paperwork and everyone person I tell-from close friends to acquaintences to co-workers, says, "Watch, you'll get pregnant now that you're adopting. It happens to a lot of people!"
It makes me so mad, because, as you said so well, it minimizes my infertility...like not being able to carry a baby to term was just us not "relaxing" and adoption is some magical relax/make me us fertile treatment. And since we are dealing with male factor there is NO way its going to happen short of divine intervention.
Like you, my family was meant to be built by adoption I feel so sure of that, so blessed by God because of it...those comments not only minimize the infertility, they minimize the beauty, the miracle and the joy that is adoption.
When people say that to me, I just kind of smile. Wish I had some better to say.
I hear you! I was just having this conversation with someone the other day. I don't know how to feel about it. *ugh* I know it makes me mad though. You're so right...it almost trivializes what we go through with treatments.
I'm not sure why people "need" to say this (over and over and over) to every adopting/adoptive mom on earth. Statistically it happens only five percent of the time. That is what I tell them.
It bugs me too. I think it's the implication that adoption is fine, but a bio baby would still really be better. I'm not sure the comment is even meant that way in many cases, but it triggers this angst in me every time I hear it.
You couldn't have said this better. I know I posted something similar awhile ago - it is so frustrating to STILL have people "encourage" you to have your "own" baby - like Izzy could possibly be any more YOURS.
People just don't get that the odds of it happening are remote; they think that given time it could happen. It's so frustrating! :)
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